Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
