Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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