I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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