So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
