I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize