it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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