So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
