I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
