The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
