I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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