All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
