its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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