Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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