Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
