I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Drake has all the answers
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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