I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
