Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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