Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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