I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
