hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i will never coherently bang her
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
