we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
