Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
