I met the friendliest cop last night
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
