Michael Bay diarrhea
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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