Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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