I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
