dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
