I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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