Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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