My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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