and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
