You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize