If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
His nipple licking is glorious
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