He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
