found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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