im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
