He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
