two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
