So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
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somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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