He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
