i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
