It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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