I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
