So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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