addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
someone owes me an orgasm
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
