You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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