Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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