Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
