his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
