I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
