she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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