I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
