bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
