wrigley field is MILF paradise
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
