He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize