He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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