Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
