I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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