I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
