i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
