if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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