Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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