Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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