I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
