My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
