Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
