I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
