whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
