do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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