All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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