I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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