I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
