you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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