there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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