apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
