Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
