Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
