I skipped work to stalk him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
