I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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