He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
