I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
