I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
