I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Only a mothe r could love this liver
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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