now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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