I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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