I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
