i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
