your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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