Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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